Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
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My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
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I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
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