I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
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