just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
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friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
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I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
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