3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
How drunk are you?
Completed.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Randomize
