yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
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