I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize
