he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
The best revenge is premature balding
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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