I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
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