Swine flu. Run for my life!
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
