He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
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I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
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Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
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