I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize
