Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
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