this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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