so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?