the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
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