OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
19 Of The Creepiest (Most Inexplicable) Things People Experienced
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.