Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
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