The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
