Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
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