I don't usually arrange sex via text message
Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
Randomize