so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
