My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
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