i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
