can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
our cab driver is having phone sex.
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
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