my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
