i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
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