There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
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