I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
she pinky promised me she was 18
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
Randomize
