My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
