she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
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