she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
These tits shall not be calmed
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
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