if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
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