Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
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