she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
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