i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
