dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
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