the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
well most of my day revolves around power hour
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
Randomize
