Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
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