Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
Randomize
