id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
