RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
Randomize
