WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
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