There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
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whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
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But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
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