I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Randomize
