I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Randomize
