i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
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