Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
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