i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
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