you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
Randomize
