So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
Randomize
