Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
Randomize
