Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
Randomize
