my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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