no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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