We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Randomize
