I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
