She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
