yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
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