Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
