P.S. I can't hear my feet
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
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