I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
