Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
Princesses don't give blow jobs
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
