can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
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