she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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