Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
Randomize
