Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
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