Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
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