wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
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